


As Tears Go By

by diet_whiskey



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Other, Unplanned Pregnancy, implied rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11715897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diet_whiskey/pseuds/diet_whiskey
Summary: Audrey wakes up from the coma.





	As Tears Go By

The first time she throws up in the hospital restroom, the doctors and herself write it off as stress. The post-coma rehabilitation is long and agonizing. Sometimes she throws up from a simple cup of tea, and she gets so dizzy she can’t move around properly.

 

She has already passed out a couple of times, and her period won't come. At first she doesn’t realize she’s missed it, but when she does she asks Dr. Hayward about it. He says that her biological clock isn’t ready to keep time yet. “But it's okay, kid, you’re young. It's gonna be alright.” 

 

She lost eleven pounds, and when she dares a look in the mirror a ghost of Audrey Horne looks bitterly back at her. With the features sharpened badly, and deep dark circles under the eyes. Hair that gets messed and matted no matter how many times she brushes it. Her head is wrapped in a wide hospital bandage. A giant hematoma still isn't resolved. But she was lucky on the whole: none of her limbs were actually broken, her ribs are intact. 

 

“But it's okay”, she says to herself. “It's okay, Audrey. You're still young.”

 

Doctor Hayward and his family leave Twin Peaks for reasons Audrey never finds out. 

 

The nausea and vomiting torture her daily, and the doctors refuse to let her go home. Father suggests they sends her to a rehabilitation center in New York, but she refuses.

 

Though Agent Cooper is probably in New York.

 

She calls the police department from the pay phone in the hospital hall. But Sheriff Truman has no good news for her.

 

“There's nothing, Audrey”, he says, and there's sadness, worry, and resentment in his voice. Audrey recognizes those emotions, because she's feeling the same. “Dale just left town, not telling nothing to anyone. Maybe that's how it was supposed to be. It's FBI…”

 

She feels vicious boredom in the hospital. She isn't allowed to read, or watch any TV, so she gossips with nurses instead. She learns from them, being the last to know, that Bobby Briggs’ father had died in a fire. She feels dreary, dreamy and eerie. 

 

Something dark and scary settled in Twin Peaks many years ago, and it doesn't want to go away.

 

One day she feels sick so badly, she barely makes it to the restroom, falling on her knees before the toilet and bruising them. 

 

She cries. Not from the pain — from fear. It's not the fear of death but of something strange, something not of this reality.  For a while now she's been seeing nothing but nightmares, where a heavy shadow was on top of her, pressing her down and not letting her breathe.

 

Finally, after three months in the hospital, they let her go home. A nurse comes to their house daily, the doctor who substitutes Doc Hayword -  once a week. Audrey's appetite, like the ability to hold her food, slowly come back. But the nightmares don't go away.

 

She wakes up one night and sees a silhouette beside her bed. She cries out, but then realizes that it's just Johnny. Johnny has never come to her room before.

 

Her brother takes her hand, and it’s such a self-aware motion that Audrey is speechless. 

 

“Audrey”, says Johnny softly, and his voice is full of love, conscious love.

 

He gets on his knees, places his head on her stomach, and falls asleep. Audrey just strokes his hair.

 

It never happens again.

 

The days go stringy and slow, like resin slipping down the bark of a wounded tree. Audrey gets better and gains weight. Her period isn't back, though. Mom takes her to see a gynecologist. She always calls gynecologists “lady doctors.”

 

During the examination the doctor looks concerned while pressing lightly on her stomach.

 

“Doctor”, Audrey complains, “My legs have already fallen asleep in this silly chair.”

 

“We need to run a blood test”, says the doctor, ignoring her. Audrey sighs. Neverending tests already make her sick and tired.

 

And deep down she's scared again.

 

Later she would think of those two days after seeing the “lady doctor” as the last days of her childhood. She, who thought of herself as such a grown up, didn't even realize how young she truly was.

 

The “lady doctor” calls their home and asks for Mrs. Horne. An hour later his car is pulling in their driveway.

 

“Audrey”, says mother, “ Go wait in your room.”

“Why should I…”

“Audrey.”

 

And suddenly there's a ringing in her ears. A feeling of something awful squeezes her throat. She feels hot and cold at the same time. She steps back inside her room and closes the door.

 

Downstairs, where adults are talking, it’s quiet. Too quiet.

 

Finally, she hears her father's voice, shaking in a strange manner: “Honey, get down here.”

 

She feels weak in her knees. She doesn't want to, doesn't want to rise from her bed and go down there. But she has no choice. And so Audrey goes.

 

The doctor sits on the sofa, hands interlocked on his knees. Her parents are in front of him, they turn around when they hear her steps. Mother has that lost look on her face, her eyes are glimmering. Father is frowning.

 

“Sit down”, he says, and Audrey places herself next to mother, who squeezes her hand immediately.

 

“Miss Horne”, says the doctor, “During your last visit I got suspicious about something and I decided to check by getting your blood tested.”

 

Audrey finds it hard to breathe.

 

“You are pregnant. It's the fifteenth week, no less.”

 

Father keeps quite. Mother starts to cry, and he places his hand on her shoulder.

 

“The fifteenth week”, says Audrey, “That means, you can't really do anything about it, right?”

 

Doctor shakes his head.

 

“We need to tell John Wheeler, baby”, whispers mother, her poor sweet mother, holding her after the doctor leaves. “Not right now, of course, when you are ready…”

 

“It's not John”, Audrey whispers against her shoulder. “It's not his. Please, mom, I need to be left alone now.”

 

It's gonna be alright, they keep saying every day. It's gonna be alright, Audrey, our lovely girl. Paying attention to her in a way they never have before.

 

Audrey takes special vitamins and eats only healthy food. Doctors advise her to get lots of fresh air, but she doesn't want to go to town. So her father miraculously finds the time to go with her on walks in the woods every day. They spend about an hour there, talking about everything but her pregnancy. And yet he always says “It's gonna be alright” in the end.

 

It’s the most time he’s spent with her since she was four.

 

On the eighth month Audrey asks the driver to drive her in town.

 

When she enters the RR, the visitors get quiet.

 

Norma approaches her table and puts a plate with a cherry pie on it in front of her.

 

“On the house”, she says.

 

Before leaving, Audrey puts a coin inside the jukebox and chooses Marianne Faithfull’s ‘As Tears Go By’. But she doesn't stay to listen, leaving the song with the people inside.

 

Her water breaks a week early, when she reaches to the top shelf to get her scarf. The wetness runs down her legs, soaking her white socks.

 

She barely remembers the delivery: only her own screams that wouldn't stop, because the anesthesia didn't work. 

 

“It's a boy, dear”, she hears doctor's gentle voice, hours later. “Congratulations.”

 

Audrey takes in her arms a screaming baby that a monster from her dreams has given to her. A monster pretending to be someone she loved. She always knew. But knowing won't change anything anymore.

  
She names her son Richard

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, my lovely @liketogetlost, for proofreading this mess.


End file.
